My gnarly problem is that I have one member of my team that doesn\u2019t like to participate in our ceremonies. Her body language shows it, but her words never do. She doesn\u2019t really talk during any of the ceremonies, just tells our manager that she thinks they are a waste of time.<\/p>
I keep trying to play games and spice things up and I\u2019ve tried the boring, to the point method of: works well, not so well, and needs improvement \u2026<\/p>
I just can\u2019t get her to engage! Any help on this?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
I hear this problem a lot and I’ve certainly had it myself. That’s why I want to share an edited version of my answer here. I try to keep a focus on retrospectives although it seems to be a larger problems.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In a live coaching situation there are loads of good questions to ask: How does the team react? Was there ever a retrospective during which she was engaged? What is she like outside of the retros?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Without knowing many of the specifics, here is some generic advice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Prologue: We can’t force agile on people<\/h3>\n\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/retromat.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/cant-force-agile.png\")
<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\nIn general, I’ve stopped forcing people. As Marshall Rosenberg<\/a> said, you cannot make people do anything. We certainly can’t make them “be agile”. If she doesn’t want to be there, she won’t engage. What would happen if she didn’t have to come? How would that affect the team? How does it affect the team now that she’s not engaging?<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\nI’ve often seen teams invest a lot of energy trying to include someone who didn’t really want to be part of it. Not everybody is cut out for agile. Not everybody can be won over. That’s okay. Time will tell if she wants to work in an agile team or not. Sometimes it’s best for everyone if someone leaves the team \u2013 As graciously as possible: Let everyone save face. Certainly no mobbing!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But we’re not there yet. Everybody deserves a fair chance and we’re trying to include someone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Make it worth her time<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
She gave a reason for her disengagement, at least to the manager. And it’s a valid reason. Veronika Kotrba and Ralph Miarka<\/a> taught me: “Everybody is the expert for their own situation”. If she thinks it’s a waste of her time, then it’s a waste of her time. Period. The question is: What would make it worth her while?<\/p>\n\n\n\nWhat is your relationship like? Is that something that you can ask her? Without being defensive or reproachful? With a curious mindset because you would honestly like to know? That would be my preferred route. And you can phrase it very positively: “What would you want to have happen that would make the retrospective a good use of your time?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you feel like you cannot approach her directly, you could try Outcome Expectations<\/a>. Maybe she will tell what would make a retrospective valuable to her.<\/p>\n\n\n\nMake people speak up early in a meeting<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
In the Retromat ebook<\/a> there is a passage about quiet people. Quiet as in “shy or introverted”. It’s not the same as an unwilling participant, but the following tips might help:<\/p>\n\n\n\n1) If people don’t speak early on in a meeting it gives them silent permission to stay quiet. It’s part of the duties of the “Set the Stage” activity to give everyone the opportunity to speak within the first 5 minutes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
2) You’ve already mentioned body language. What about her position in the room relative to the other participants? A lack of involvement might manifest in sitting outside of the inner circle. Luckily positions also work the other way around: If I can coax a person to join the inner circle they will often also engage more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For the future: ESVP<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
When I start with a new team I often run ESVP<\/a> in one of the first three retrospectives. I’m fully prepared to let Prisoners go. I’ve only ever had Prisoners once (in a retro with 25 people). I invited them to change their minds and then gave a 5 minute coffee break to let them slip away quietly. (ESVP was anonymous, of course. I honestly can’t remember if everyone came back or if the 2 prisoners stayed away.)<\/p>\n\n\n\nI assume your team is not that big and it would be obvious who the prisoner is anyway. Plus, you’ve already worked with that team for a while. That’s why I wouldn’t use ESVP here, unless you think it might surface some other, less obvious Prisoners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
ESVP is something you might consider for a future team.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Phew, that’s it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
tl;dr Don’t force her. Find out what would make it worth her time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\n hope some of these options are helpful to you. If you’re in a similar \npickle, I’d love to hear what you tried and how it turned out! \nBest of luck!<\/p>\n\n\n
PS: Did you know there's a Retromat eBook Bundle? Ready-made retrospective plans for beginners and all activities from Retromat for experienced facilitators. Check out the Retromat books<\/a><\/strong><\/h3>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"A Scrum Master from the financial industry shared a gnarly retrospective problem with me: My gnarly problem is that I have one member of my team that doesn\u2019t like to participate in our ceremonies. Her body language shows it, but her words never do. She doesn\u2019t really talk during any of the ceremonies, just tells … <\/p>\n
<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\nIn general, I’ve stopped forcing people. As Marshall Rosenberg<\/a> said, you cannot make people do anything. We certainly can’t make them “be agile”. If she doesn’t want to be there, she won’t engage. What would happen if she didn’t have to come? How would that affect the team? How does it affect the team now that she’s not engaging?<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n I’ve often seen teams invest a lot of energy trying to include someone who didn’t really want to be part of it. Not everybody is cut out for agile. Not everybody can be won over. That’s okay. Time will tell if she wants to work in an agile team or not. Sometimes it’s best for everyone if someone leaves the team \u2013 As graciously as possible: Let everyone save face. Certainly no mobbing!<\/p>\n\n\n\n But we’re not there yet. Everybody deserves a fair chance and we’re trying to include someone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n She gave a reason for her disengagement, at least to the manager. And it’s a valid reason. Veronika Kotrba and Ralph Miarka<\/a> taught me: “Everybody is the expert for their own situation”. If she thinks it’s a waste of her time, then it’s a waste of her time. Period. The question is: What would make it worth her while?<\/p>\n\n\n\n What is your relationship like? Is that something that you can ask her? Without being defensive or reproachful? With a curious mindset because you would honestly like to know? That would be my preferred route. And you can phrase it very positively: “What would you want to have happen that would make the retrospective a good use of your time?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you feel like you cannot approach her directly, you could try Outcome Expectations<\/a>. Maybe she will tell what would make a retrospective valuable to her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In the Retromat ebook<\/a> there is a passage about quiet people. Quiet as in “shy or introverted”. It’s not the same as an unwilling participant, but the following tips might help:<\/p>\n\n\n\n 1) If people don’t speak early on in a meeting it gives them silent permission to stay quiet. It’s part of the duties of the “Set the Stage” activity to give everyone the opportunity to speak within the first 5 minutes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 2) You’ve already mentioned body language. What about her position in the room relative to the other participants? A lack of involvement might manifest in sitting outside of the inner circle. Luckily positions also work the other way around: If I can coax a person to join the inner circle they will often also engage more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When I start with a new team I often run ESVP<\/a> in one of the first three retrospectives. I’m fully prepared to let Prisoners go. I’ve only ever had Prisoners once (in a retro with 25 people). I invited them to change their minds and then gave a 5 minute coffee break to let them slip away quietly. (ESVP was anonymous, of course. I honestly can’t remember if everyone came back or if the 2 prisoners stayed away.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n I assume your team is not that big and it would be obvious who the prisoner is anyway. Plus, you’ve already worked with that team for a while. That’s why I wouldn’t use ESVP here, unless you think it might surface some other, less obvious Prisoners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n ESVP is something you might consider for a future team.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Phew, that’s it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n tl;dr Don’t force her. Find out what would make it worth her time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I\n hope some of these options are helpful to you. If you’re in a similar \npickle, I’d love to hear what you tried and how it turned out! \nBest of luck!<\/p>\n\n\n A Scrum Master from the financial industry shared a gnarly retrospective problem with me: My gnarly problem is that I have one member of my team that doesn\u2019t like to participate in our ceremonies. Her body language shows it, but her words never do. She doesn\u2019t really talk during any of the ceremonies, just tells … <\/p>\nMake it worth her time<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Make people speak up early in a meeting<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
For the future: ESVP<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
PS: Did you know there's a Retromat eBook Bundle? Ready-made retrospective plans for beginners and all activities from Retromat for experienced facilitators. Check out the Retromat books<\/a><\/strong><\/h3>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"